Misogyny: Looking Back
Alyssa Milano decided to elevate the Weinstein misogyny to a broader discussion of serial misogyny that has existed, and continues to exist, in what many of us hoped was a more enlightened society. Sadly, looking back,
I try to deconstruct my experience of growing up in a world full of Harvey Weinstein’s.
I was a young 19 year old taking a break from college. I had obtained a job in a small tool company and felt fortunate to also secure my first one room apartment. In 1973, I remember feeling proud and independent because I could pay the $80 a month rent. My efficiency apartment was above the tool company where I was employed. The owners of the tool company also owned my efficiency apartment. My “furnished home” included a small kitchen with a toaster oven, a sofa that clicked into a bed with material that irritated your skin, and a small clawed iron bathtub. But it was my first foray into independence and I loved it.
One night after I retreated to my apartment, a knock on the door startled me, as I didn’t know many people in the neighborhood. To my surprise, it was my boss, a man at least 20 years older than me. I asked what he wanted and he said he just wanted five minutes of my time. My female self knew what that meant and he came into my apartment – remember, this man was both my boss and my landlord. I set the timer for five minutes and sat down. After five minutes I asked him to leave. He did and he never returned to my apartment. I returned to college the following year.
Fast forward to today. I have been thinking about what it has meant, and means, to be a female working through the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s and into the 21st century. As a young woman, I felt strong and empowered by the pioneer women of the 60s – Gloria Steinem at the helm. Before and since, many powerful and effective women – Coco Chanel, an influential clothing designer, Emmiline Pankhurst, helping to secure the vote, Martha Gellhorn, reporting on the impact of the Depression on families, Wangari Maathai, the first person from her village to get an education, and Kathryn Bigelow, in 2009 the first director to receive an Oscar.
I didn't do anything notable; but I never felt I couldn’t navigate my way through the misogyny or perceived misogyny. There was the 6 ‘ 3” county sheriff referring to “me and my girls” as he pointed his finger at me; my many waitressing and bartending jobs where “honey” takes the place of your name; and countless attorneys and other justice system professionals who exhibited gender discrimination.
Some of these men supervised me, mentored me, and partnered with me in my career. Others’ sought to take advantage, demean and debase. Through it all, I trusted and relied on my resolve to navigate the world of men. And to be fair, I have also worked with a number of women who were unwilling or uninterested in helping me build my career – not all, but some. That said, I honestly felt and believed things were getting better. I now question that belief.
Today, with the transition of Michele Obama and Jill Biden as visible, competent, and strong women who have demonstrated empowerment, and being equal partners with their powerful spouses. Their visible presence leaves a tremendous hole in my soul. These women gave me hope, excitement, and a future I could and want to believe in.
In contrast, I shudder when I see clips of Melania Trump and Karen Pence. Melania Trump challenged Barbara Walters about President Obama’s right to office because of ridiculous assertions questioning his birth certificate. And, Karen Pence, although initially offended by Trump’s remark about power and the ability to grab a woman’s pussy, gave a pass to the president and her Christian moral compass by supporting her husband’s women stifling agenda. These positions remind me of the feeling I had when I first read “The Handmaid’s Tale.” These two women, spouses of the two highest offices in our country, bring me to utter sadness. When I think of all the women who have tried to create a path to success, independence, and equality do I feel more vulnerable today – Absolutely!
