Recently I was listening to a radio interview where the interviewee spoke about unfulfilled expectations. Expectations are interesting constructs.
Specifically, the New Oxford American Dictionary defines expectation as a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
When I was a young girl, my expectations were not unlike most young girls. I expected to go wedding dress shopping with my mother with all my cut outs from Bride Magazine. I expected that I would find my one true love, and we would have a large fairy tale wedding. I expected that I would have children, many of them. I expected to be shielded from hurt, disappointment, grief, and illness. I expected to not experience the loss of a parent until I reached old age. I expected that I would feel happy most of the time. And so it goes…
Well, the truth is I never tried on a wedding dress. My first wedding dress came from a thrift shop. Oh yeah, disappointment when my first marriage ended in divorce. My second wedding took place in the backyard of a friend’s home – fairy tale, yes – but certainly not large.
Instead of children, I had early lessons grieving many child losses. Then the big one – sudden death of my father.
Remarkably though, my unfulfilled childhood expectations gave me an unanticipated gift of a happy life. It is not the life I dreamed about as a young girl; it’s different and better. My one true love came with a second marriage. Children – well, I’ve had the joy (and the pain) of being a stepmother and now a step-grandmother. Loving children and grandchildren brought into the world by someone else in no way diminishes my love and relationships with the family I was gifted.
We all hold assumptions and expectations about what could and should be. The truth is, when we can hold up our expectations for examination we may find the ones we thought would happen instead gave us greater insight and appreciation. What is out there for you when you think about your expectations? What could be out there for you if you set aside your assumptions and expectations and let the world just unfold with you?
